Crush on the Tube. Need. More. Info.

On my morning commute to work, being wedged under people’s sweaty armpits or dealing with their halitosis while navigating hefty rucksacks is made more bearable once I get the time- and space -to read Metro’s ‘Rush Hour Crush. I like checking to see who are the objects of desire in someone else’s life, while secretly hoping I might be mentioned in there (don’t act like you don’t do the same).

But I have an issue with the lovelorn souls who write in, so this column is aimed at them (or you, if you fall under this category): When you write in to ‘Rush Hour Crush’, could you please be more descriptive? If you fancy someone, don’t be so vague. Like really shit chat-up lines, such strategies do not work.

The other morning, I read a woman’s shout-out to a man she saw on a train and described as having (and I quote) ‘short spiky hair & a great smile.’ Come on now, that could be anyone. Even narrowing it down to a specific train journey doesn’t help- there could have been hundreds of spiky-haired, cheshire-cat grinning men on her train that day. She didn’t even mention the colour of his hair or shirt, for goodness sake. Be specific, woman!

I’m not saying that you should write a thesis describing your potential lover/spouse/shag buddy, as anything requiring a word count is going too far. Nor do you have to strike up conversation with them on the Tube train- I know there are many shy bunnies out there. Just make it clear in your message of lurve to whom you are aiming Cupid’s arrow towards. ‘The hunk in the green shirt reading Fifty Shades of Grey’ is nicely descriptive (though I’d raise my eyebrows at any man I caught reading that on my train). ‘The cutie in the nerdy glasses and black hoodie carrying a telescope who got off at Bond Street’- even better. ‘Bloke in white shirt’ or ‘man with large package’ are total no-no’s, as is describing someone as looking like a ‘younger Lenny Henry’. You are not Louis Walsh on X Factor- save that for when you’re going on a date with him/her and drop it in conversation. See where that gets ya…

So yes, this is quite a random post but frankly, it needs to be said. If you like someone and want to say it with words, make sure that person knows it’s them you’re talking about. Wouldn’t want any crossed wires now, would we?


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