How Not To Propose…

I watched a video today called ‘The World’s Most Beautiful Marriage Proposal’. Fifteen minutes of loud noise, pyrotechnics, ‘pranks’ and dancing, topped off by a bride so overcome with all kinds of emotion, she looked like she was about to faint any second. I felt tired after watching it and think I might need another eye test after all those fireworks.

Some might say what woman would not want to be proposed to like that? Well I raise my hand and reply that I would not want any of that guff. After the first two minutes of this video I said to my friends, ‘Would I be the only one who would be very embarrassed to go through all this?’ (Apparently not it seems). She probably felt like she had been transported to some parallel universe. After what felt like an age her fiancé appeared, by which time I hoped an ambulance was on standby.

Then he proposed and well… it’s not as if she can say no, is it? Then he suggested that they should get married now and a minute later, whisked her away to a makeshift altar positioned among the hordes of dancers. The poor woman didn’t have time to catch her breath. This was followed by him doing something resembling a mating dance, by which time I was shaking my head at this mess. Not just at the dancing but the wedding dress- oh my word! At least let the woman have the chance to pick her own. The one she ended up wearing did not flatter her, but despite her endless river of tears she still looked lovely. Clearly the man didn’t think this through- she had panda eyes by the end of it all and how is that going to look when she is having her wedding photos taken?

If my hubby-to-be (not that I have one yet) went and did this, all I would want is a lie-down. I don’t like being the centre of attention so any kind of proposal would have to be with little or no fanfare- preferably none. Just the two of us, not the whole of London town. I couldn’t think of anything worse as it is so impersonal. It’s like those proposals by jumbotron. Men of the world, I say this on behalf of all women- stop that crap post-haste! Most women want a classy marriage proposal that is thoughtful and between the two of you or possibly with a few family members present. We do not want to be proposed to in front of a baying mob throwing popcorn or meat pies- it is tacky.

This video was like a Disney film come to life and, as much as I love Disney, it’s best to keep that kind of thing on celluloid. In fact, if I had to go through this torture (because let’s be honest here, this is a public humiliation) the only thought running through my mind would be ‘Make it stop!’ so I would want to shout that out during the dance extravaganza and walk away from the frenzy. I would have applauded the woman if she did that but it was never going to happen- her nerves were shot.

I hope someone handed her a double-brandy or whisky afterwards.

© G. Holder 2012


One thought on “How Not To Propose…

  1. I couldn’t agree more. I am delighted to look back on my husband’s proposal. Nothing went as planned because I “just wasn’t cooperating”. I did NOT know proposing was his intent until he finally said “Look..are you coming outside?”. When I responded “Hell no, it’s hot out there and air conditioned in here- I’m gonna go lay in bed with a book”, he said “Fine. Back up. ” at which point he got down on one knee in front of our stove in the kitchen. He was super romantic when he asked, but it was just the two of us. Perfect. If there was one firework, I might have locked myself in the bedroom for eternity.

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