I stood on the tube this morning
And came over all feeble
I had the misfortune to stand among
Some strange-smelling people.
One man (I couldn’t work out which one)
Smelt weird, just like a bin,
One full of rubbish or some such luggage
And filled right up to the brim.
Another man (I kid you not),
His breath smelt like a rubber tyre
He breathed over my shoulder and into my face
(Just in case you think I’m a liar)
The train was packed and I couldn’t stand back
With no room to even turn my paper,
There was no escape, I was surrounded
So I tutted until they left later.