Right, it’s official. My willpower has gone.
Last week was a pretty shit week for me (didn’t get a job I wanted, overlooked again, don’t even ask) and it seeped into this one, so I haven’t been in the best of moods. Thus, on Monday morning, I bought a pack of chocolate digestives to cheer myself up and devoured a few while sitting at my desk. Yesterday, I vowed that I would stay away from those bastard biscuits. So what did I do? I ate far too many of them. They just sat there looking up at me and I couldn’t resist which, considering I was wearing a skirt that was a tad too tight around the waist was a bad idea.
Where has my willpower disappeared to? I’ve always had a sweet tooth but it’s got worse over the past year. On one recent morning, I said I was going to have some porridge and Be Good. I ended up having cheesecake for breakfast. But the choice was between that or some shitty cereal that tasted like cardboard and didn’t fill me up in the slightest, so cheesecake was always going to win.
Then when I got to work I had some jelly beans. And no, it wasn’t to boost my energy levels, it was because they were in my drawer and I couldn’t resist, despite having two ripe, juicy apples in the same place. This keeps happening so I’m writing this to shame myself into doing something about it, because when you buy a large bar of chocolate and have to give it to your friend to look after while you work, things need to change.
Anything remotely sweet turns me into a sugar fiend, eating more and more until I feel guilty. The other day I ate an apple to ease my sugar pangs which always crop up during elevenses. But I also had some sweets in my drawer and despite having the apple about 30 minutes before, my mind kept demanding, ‘FEED ME SWEETS!’ I waited a good five to ten minutes before I relented and said, ‘I’ll just have a couple,’ which turned out to be wrong as I destroyed half a bag’s worth of jelly beans.
Some of you might say, ‘Oh, you’ve only had some sweets, it’s not the end of the world.’ True, but I know this has become a very bad habit. My weakness for sweets, chocolate and cake is a joke. If I don’t have something sugary, I can find myself getting a bit jittery and irritable. I know I’m not the only one either- it’s all part of the sweets and cake industries’ fiendish plan to get us all addicted to sugar. Or maybe it’s just me searching for an excuse (and a weak one at that).
The funny thing is that many years ago, I stopped having sugar in my tea. I used to have one or two spoonfuls in every cuppa until I cut it out. It took a while to get used to it at first as it tasted disgusting. Then one day I realised I’d stopped gurning whenever I took a sip and began liking the taste. Since then, I cannot bear sweetened tea but clearly I’ve been substituting for my sugar fix elsewhere. Cakes and desserts of all kinds become extinct once they are in my reach and as for biscuits…well, they are the work of the devil.
So I’ve decided to be good for myself and my health and kick those seductive sweets to the kerb. More fruit, less cake. Not to say that I don’t eat fruit, I just don’t eat enough. I’ve had a fair bit over the past couple of days so that’s a start. Even though they are full of natural sugars, at least I don’t feel bad after I’ve eaten them. Of course, I’m not saying I’ll avoid sweets and cake every day. Have you tried weaning yourself off sugar completely? It’s absolutely awful and almost impossible nowadays because so many foods contain sugar. Bread, pasta, it’s in everything and I am not giving up my carbs. Besides, you need sugar to give you energy and I’m not converting to sweeteners (vile!).
But then I must be getting better. I saw an article today about a London hotel that- for one night only –will be made of nothing but cake: the windows, the walls, even the cushions. A whole new meaning to (ahem) ‘sugar walls’. At first, I thought that was my idea of heaven- sensory overload, indeed! -but now I couldn’t think of anything worse. I’d be sick all over that meringue-laden decor and it all looks so pretty, I’d hate to ruin it. I wouldn’t want to end up shaming myself, sitting with a stupid, spaced-out look with cake crumbs smeared all over my face- I’ll leave that to the hordes of people that will go there instead.