Rant of the Day

Dear cold caller,

You are working in a call centre somewhere in India. You call up my house thousands of miles away asking for someone else. I tell you they’re not in. You reply, ‘Alright laaav.’ Clearly you meant ‘love’, but that’s how you sounded.

I’m sorry, did they not teach you proper customer service when you started your job? Why are you referring to me as ‘love’? Are you a pillock? Rule number one in customer service: Never call a customer ‘love’ or ‘darling’, especially if your work involves cold-calling. I don’t know you. We didn’t even talk long enough for you to justify calling me ‘laaav’. I was a bit off-key with you as well, because I knew who you were thanks to that five-second delay at the beginning of the phonecall.

Maybe your manager told you to drop an affectionate term into the conversation as it’ll make you sound more informal and keep us customers on the phone. If so, your manager was talking bollocks. I hung up as soon as you said it.

I’m stunned that I was so stunned by what you said because I usually don’t feel much annoyance at being called ‘love’. It’s fine if a loved one of mine calls me that. Even if I was at a market stall I’d almost expect it as that’s part of their language. But you are sitting at your desk, all dressed up in your suit, so for you to say ‘Alright laaav’ on the phone did you no favours whatsoever. So don’t do it again unless you want more callers to hang up on you.

Thanks.

© 2013

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