Today, something was confirmed to me. It is of the utmost importance and I thought I would share it with you. I discovered what I consider to be the world’s most lethal biscuit. Behold…the shortbread:


I am of the opinion that shortbread is lethal. It seems harmless enough, but this innocuous-looking biscuit made me choke several times in the past three weeks. When I’ve had a little bite, I ended up coughing and rendered speechless for a few minutes. Many times I had to leave my desk and cough in private as it’s embarrassing becoming a spluttering, breathless mess in front of your work colleagues (with added crumbs).

I never get this with digestives or Hob-Nobs or ginger nuts (yes I’m aware I’ve listed some innuendo-laden biscuits as examples but nevermind). They don’t leave me teary-eyed because a random crumb has slid the wrong way down my gullet. Shortbread is a disloyal biscuit, all classy-looking and alluring but ends up double-crossing you. It is the epitome of ‘too good to be true’- I learned this the hard way.

Now there’s only one lonely shortbread finger left in my drawer. I don’t fancy eating it in case I go through it all again. I’m also trying once more to stay away from the sweet stuff and be good, even though I’ve picked entirely the wrong time to do it (a week before Christmas, where I will eat my body weight in sweets and chocolates). So I’m in a quandary but it’s not important. For now- and for the sake of my throat -I’ll leave it where it is, stuck in the darkness of my drawer.

© G. Holder 2013


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