Who Wants a Sandwich?

The Daily Mail has got its knickers in a twist again. Their front page headline this morning was as thus: ‘IS THERE NO ONE LEFT IN BRITAIN WHO CAN MAKE A SANDWICH?’
Apparently, a British-based sandwich manufacturer is having to employ Eastern Europeans to make their sandwiches as the Brits offered these jobs think they are too good for such roles. So the next time you buy a sandwich from the likes of M&S, Tesco or Asda, it might be made by (gasp!) people not from British shores. Clutch your pearls, middle England!

This story was of such national importance that the Mail splashed it on their front page, but who gives a shit? All I care about is that the sandwich looks and tastes good and is at a decent price. Whether they are from Portsmouth or Poland makes no difference to me- I just hope that the sandwich maker has damn good hygiene.

And to be honest, the Brits are not exactly the best sandwich makers. Before some of you all start frothing at the mouth with rage, I speak from experience. My mum used to make me delicious sandwiches for my packed lunches at school. Everyday, my friends salivated with hunger and envy as they looked at their unappealing cheese sandwich- an abnormally bright yellow slither (or slab, depending on how it was cut) of cheese wedged between two triangular slices of pasty white bread. No wonder they would throw them in the bin and go to the chippy instead. But I digress.

Obviously there are plenty of decent sandwich makers in Blighty but the Daily Mail cannot throw their hands in the air in despair when people decide they do not want to take on such jobs. It is such a ludicrous, bombastic headline designed to get people even more het up on a Monday morning than they usually are. It’s almost like they are doing UKIP’s job for them. The people that are coming to fill these roles (and the sandwiches) are not too precious to do so and good for them. And anyway, I can make a mean sandwich and so long as I still have that skill, this country is in good hands.


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