Playing to the Crowd.

So this week’s Friday Fuckery is this man from Atlanta who set up a crowdfunding page to pay for his fiancee’s engagement ring. He aims to raise $15,000 for this purpose. 


Whatever happened to modesty? Why does he (and other people) feel the need to spend such exorbitant amounts on an engagement ring? You’re going to get married at some point so throw all your money on that instead. 

The man- whose name is William Oliver -even had the audacity to write the following sentence on his crowdfunding page: 

This will raise awareness about the difference between the love we share and the love people have for us. 

The cheeky bastard! 
So if someone does not donate to his ’cause’, they are proving that they love them less? He’s a shameless hussy.

He has since stopped accepting donations, which must have been a result of the public furore this has caused. At the close of business- oops! I meant the page, he raised $609.

Is nothing off-limits anymore? Last week, a young woman sold her virginity online to some random rich businessman for £2 million, in conjunction with the escort company that she works for. What the hell? Isn’t the time out lose your virginity supposed to be awkward instead of something resembling a scene out of Indecent Proposal? Everything has a price nowadays and nothing is sacred. 

But back to William Oliver- I’m not here for his reasoning that, by funding the engagement ring, his family and friends will be contributing to their future. That is emotional blackmail. If I were in their shoes, I would rather buy a vase. The engagement ring is the financial responsibility of the groom-to-be and he is showing barefaced cheek to suggest such a method. 
Anyway, shouldn’t he have the engagement ring on him when he proposes to his future wife, or am I missing something? 


If he cannot afford what he feels his wife-to-be deserves, then pick something more modest. It’s not a crime to be modest. As long as it is not a ring made of kitchen foil, I’m sure she would understand.

In (Self Imposed) Exile.

Twitter. Facebook. Instagram. The holy trinity of social media. I scrolled through them everyday looking at updates, funny gifs and random shit because let’s be honest, that what we all love: the lack of thought that goes into reading these things. It was a bit of escapism.

I was going to give up Twitter for Lent because over the past few months, it appears that the lunatics have taken over the asylum. Even though I try to stay away from all the nonsense swirling around the Twittersphere (especially since Brexit and Trump becoming President), it feels like it has been hijacked by the alt-right and leftists slating and baiting each other online.


It is full of trolls and jackasses who need little invitation to act that way. There have been times where a picture of a beautiful black woman is posted with a caption along the lines of, ‘she’s too dark’ next to it. It’s usually followed up by the tweeter gloating about how much attention he got from those who took the bait and snapped. It’s unbelievable and mind-numbingly stupid. I started muting and blocking people who were getting on my nerves or receiving too much attention for their trolling. And still I scrolled through my timeline everyday, reading about various events (or non-events) in people’s lives, various arguments unfolding before my eyes, constantly refreshing the page to see if anything new came up even though the last update was five seconds ago. It got to the point where it became exhausting to look at yet I couldn’t turn away, almost like I was rubber-necking an accident. Also, I realised the amount of time I spent reading tweets was time that I could have been doing something productive, which annoyed me even more.

This was also the case with Facebook, where I scrolled down the list of friends posting about their lives or some random video that they wanted a reaction from. As for Instagram, that just made me feel like I was wasting my life or I was inferior. All these people posting selfies with their X-Pro and Mayfair filters and pouting like models when I don’t even know how to pout like that (and when I try I look like I’ve been punched in the gob), talking about how amazing their lives are. I know 98% of the time it is a picture that is not a genuine reflection of their life at the time, but sometimes it made me feel like crap and was not what I wanted to see when I was in a mood.

Before this sounds like an ‘I hate social media’ rant, let me say that there are positives to all these apps. I found some of the funniest things I have ever read or watched in my life on Twitter, tweets that made me howl with laughter while thinking ‘I’m going to hell’ at the same time. Not everybody is a troll- there are decent people behind some of the usernames, it’s just that so many of them get caught up in the madness. 

Facebook is a good way to keep in touch with people from your past, whether it be former classmates or colleagues. Also (like most social media) you control who sees your life- I have friends who have 400, 500, even a thousand ‘friends’. I’ve barely got eighty. A few years ago that actually bothered me for some stupid reason, then I quickly realised that I didn’t give a shit. At least the people who are on my timeline are people I don’t mind reading my business. 

Anyway, I was going to give up Twitter for Lent but decided to do it sooner rather than later. When you’re talking to your family or friends and only half-listening to what they’re saying because you’re reading some nonsense on social media, you need to make a change. Or you’re bored and end up absent-mindedly scrolling through a shedload of tweets before moving onto see who’s saying what on Facebook then rolling onto Instagram where everything makes you feel inferior. It was like some weird form of punishment/self-flagellation. I was addicted to it (especially Twitter) and found that social media became a habit that I could not kick. Well, not this time. It’s been seven hours and fifteen days (not really, more like twelve hours and six days) and it’s going well. The first couple of days were a bit odd- I found myself opening my phone looking for those apps and realising they were not there. But since then, it’s a case of so far, so good. 

Social media can be like a drug if you’re not careful. The need for validation from (mainly) strangers…the constant pressure to post the perfect selfie…or tweet something funny…or look like you’re doing something amazing for fear of looking like you live a boring life. Honestly, who gives a toss? It was addictive to me for various reasons and it became unhealthy for me. So I’m in self-imposed exile for a while, bar posting some of my articles on Facebook. Wish me luck. 

A Low Blow.

This week, a heartwarming story has been floating around (and a video if you care to see it) about a young British girl who gave blow jobs to 24 men in a bar in Magaluf for a bottle of cava. Beautiful.

I have seen the video and it is so depressing. This girl runs around some seedy, dingy bar like a blue-arsed fly while a bunch of ruddy-faced men whip their cocks out. Unwashed, skanky, dirty bollocks out in the open air for a two-second suck.

At this point, some of you will probably go “Oh, you’re such a prude!” but I don’t give a shit. I’m well aware that Magaluf is not a part of the world where everybody is chaste and clutching their rosary beads, but the whole thing is wrong on so many levels:

1. All these blokes appear unwashed and she is all over their sweaty penises like it’s an everyday thing. Where’s the quality control??

2. She has no idea where they have been or who they’ve plunged their penises in before she started giving mouth-to-mouth. They could be swimming with STD’s. After she has finished, she could be getting a round of applause in more than one way.*

3. Girl, you are on camera. Your filthy exploits are on t’internet for the whole world to see and there is no way of erasing it. It’s on newspaper sites, been shared on social media, everywhere. And if the person who filmed you was a friend, then I hate to tell you…you have no real friends.

4. This kind of thing does not empower you as a woman. Behaving like this in public is not an illustration of you owning your sexuality. Nothing wrong with getting your freak on, but behind closed doors. It does not leave you empowered- it cheapens you. Whatever happened to leaving things to the imagination?

Mind you, I once saw an episode of Ibiza Uncovered where a pair of harlots went out on a Saturday night. One of them boasted that she had pierced her private parts and then allowed some random man to touch them up on camera and in full view of the whole main square. I sat slack-jawed at witnessing such nastiness.

The sad thing is there are quite a few young girls and women who think this isn’t a problem. But this girl must be stupid because that footage will stick with her forever and likely affect her chances of employment and other things. Back in the day that kind of thing could be done anonymously. Now everyone has a camera/video phone and uploads stuff on t’internet, things are very different.

I’m sure this girl will turn up in one of the Sunday tabloids in the morning after selling her story for nowhere near enough money. She will probably think it’s worth it as she’s getting paid, possibly end up having a stint on next year’s Big Brother, but her reputation will be sullied for a long time. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

*the clap, or gonorrhoea, as it’s otherwise known. Hence the term ‘a round of applause’, which is Cockney rhyming slang.